


Tell Me You Love Me

by Marrilyn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Denial, Denial of Feelings, Developing Relationship, Drama, Emotions, F/F, Feels, Girls Kissing, Girls in Love, Just Fucking Say It Rowena, Love, Love Confessions, Promises, Romance, Scared Rowena
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-07
Updated: 2017-06-07
Packaged: 2018-11-10 11:27:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11126112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marrilyn/pseuds/Marrilyn
Summary: Reader confronts Rowena about her feelings for her.





	Tell Me You Love Me

“You love me.”

“No, I don’t.”

“I know you do,” you insisted. You weren’t going to let her get out of this that easily.

You’ve known about her feelings for a while now. She could deny them all she wanted; her actions spoke louder than words.

She spoke to you in ways you’ve never seen her speak to anyone else – sweetly, with kindness she rarely showed.

Unlike with everyone else, she always, without hesitation, rushed to your aid when you called her. Never once had she uttered a complaint or even sarcastic remark. When it came to your safety, sass could wait.

And the way she looked at you… Your knees turned to jelly from even thinking of that loving, smitten gaze, similar to the one you’d always give her.

If she wanted to keep it to herself – fine, but there was no point in denying the existence of obvious. You weren’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but you weren’t blind. Your mentor had a thing for you and you’ll be damned if you let it go.

You wanted this more than anything in the world. Your thoughts and dreams were filled with images of Rowena and you holding hands and loving each other until the very end of time.

Maybe it was selfish for you to confront her about it like this. After all, it were _your_ daydreams that you wanted to turn into reality, and _your_ feelings that you wished would be acknowledged. But after everything the two of you had been through together, you figured you could get away with a little bit of selfishness.

One of the first things Rowena had taught you after agreeing to teach you magic was that if you want something, you take it no matter who or what gets in the way. Because you’re a witch and what you say goes, she’d explained.

You think it? You deserve it.

You order it? You get it.

You want it? It’s yours.

And you wanted _her._

Rowena scoffed at your words. “I think I’d know if I _loved_ ye.” She spat the word _love_ venomously, rolling her eyes as it fell from her lips as if the mere act of uttering it offended her.

“Don’t play dumb with me!” you snapped, sick of her games. Why couldn’t she just admit it?

You could handle her not wanting to be with you – the only thing you wanted was to hear her say what everyone – even the ever clueless Castiel, for fuck’s sake – could see. It wasn’t a relationship that you were after; you could live with never being anything other than her friend. You just needed to hear her say the wretched words.

“I know you love me, or at least feel something for me. I’ve seen the way you look at me. You always treat me nice and help me whenever I ask you to.”

“It’s called kindness, my dear,” she said, shooting you a look that was supposed to be annoyed, but instead came off as desperate. She wanted to make herself believe the lies she was feeding you, but just as you could see through every single one, so could she. And it was driving her crazy that no matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t sell fiction dressed as fact; not to herself, and certainly not to you. “I don’t show it to many people, but rest assured I’m capable of it, to an extent. Unlike love.”

“Exactly – you don’t. Yet you’ve always been nothing but kind to me. Why is that?”

She shrugged with fake casualty. “Ye annoy me far less than most people.”

“Yeah. Sure,” you said sarcastically. “And as for this bullshit about love, leave it for someone who hasn’t known you for almost three years.”

Rowena sighed, getting desperate. The more you called her out on her lies, the more compelled she felt to feed them to you.

“Goodness, Y/N! Save the drama for the stage!”

“At least I’m not spewing lies in your face, like you’ve been doing to me for the past half hour!” you retorted, growing angry. How hard could it be to just admit that you love someone? It’s not like you were a stranger; you were the only friend she had, the closest thing she had to family, excluding her estranged son. If there was anyone who would never judge her, no matter what, it was you. “You’ve never lied to me before. Even back when you were a manipulative bitch, you were always honest with me. What changed, Rowena?”

“Nothin’,” she replied. “Nothin’s changed. That’s the point! I’m still that manipulative bitch you met two years ago. It’s not my fault ye’ve convinced yerself I’m somethin’ I’m clearly not. Ye call me a liar, yet ye’re the one feedin’ yerself lies about my nonexistent feelings. It’s not healthy, darlin’.”

You shook your head in disbelief. Her denial was seriously starting to piss you off. She could lie to herself all she wanted, but no one gets to make a fool out of you. Not even her. You weren’t going to let her get away with it.

“You know what’s not healthy? You gaslighting me! _That’s_ unhealthy!” you told her, your firm tone letting her know you were in no mood for nonsense. “I know you, Rowena. You can lie to yourself, but you can’t lie to me. Have you forgotten, sweetheart? I _know_ you. When you tried to sell that motherly bullshit to Crowley, I knew. When you told Sam and Castiel you’ve never loved anything, I knew. When you tricked everyone, _everyone,_ with your little deal with Lucifer, I fucking knew! I kept quiet, but I saw through you right then and there. So don’t you dare make this about me when you’re the one who’d rather lie than own up to that fact that she’s not the heartless bitch she wants everyone to think she is!”

Her expression changed, softening around the edges, crossed with something you couldn’t quite decipher. Was it guilt? Or admission that there truly was something going on; something she wasn’t ready to say out loud?

“What do ye want from me, Y/N?” Her voice was a mere whisper, laced with pain and hurt. Her eyes, ever defiant, filled up with tears she prayed wouldn’t fall.

“I want you to admit it!” you exclaimed. “I want you to tell me you love me! Be honest for once in your life. I won’t ask for a relationship or anything like the. I don’t want to pressure you into anything. I just want you to say it because I can see what’s going on and it’s killing me to watch you do this to yourself. Do this for me and I promise I’ll never ask you to do anything again.”

“I can’t!” she snapped, letting tears slide down her rosy cheeks. Her lips trembled as the words left her mouth, and her voice followed soon after.

The Rowena you’ve never seen before, the fragile, vulnerable one, the one she’d kept locked behind thick walls she’d built to protect herself from hurt, surfaced from the depths of her soul, and you weren’t certain how to react. This was a new territory for you, a new person you’ve never had a chance to fully get to know for so far you’ve only seen her in traces.

“Because if I do, if I let myself love ye, I’ll put ye in danger. They’ll use ye against me just like they used Oskar. And I can’t do that to ye. I can’t let anyone else die because I love them.”

It was as if something inside of you broke. For a few long, dreadful moments, the only thing you could do was stare as her words echoed in your head, louder and louder, swallowing all your thoughts.

All this time you thought her a bitch when in reality she was scared. You never even talked about Oskar; you’d tried bringing him up once and the only response you got was a simple “I’m over it” before she changed the subject. You doubted her words, but you never once thought his death had impacted her on such a large scale.

You should have known she wasn’t over it. You don’t just keep on living your life after being forced to murder your step-child. You can pretend, you can busy your mind with meaningless things, but you can never forget. Such a thing stays with you.

You shuddered as realization that that was the only lie she’d managed to sneak past you settled in. The only lie you _should_ have seen through and helped her deal with.

“I’m not gonna let that happen,” you told her, letting sympathy fill your voice.

“Silly girl!” she scoffed. “Ye think ye’ll have a choice?”

“I don’t care,” you said simply. And you didn’t; you knew they couldn’t hurt you. Not with her by your side.

Rowena wasn’t the only one who’d changed since then; the Winchesters had become acquaintances rather than enemies, and Crowley had eased up on his anti-Rowena-ness.

The hunter brothers and their pet angel have never treated you bad in the first place. Despite you leaving hunting to become a witch and getting one of the most notorious witches to tutor you, you were still friends. Crowley and you were more frenemies, but the two of you shared mutual respect. If him saving you on a couple of occasions told you anything, it was that he’d never do anything to harm you – even if he wasn’t fond of you dating his mother.

“Nothing’s going to happen to me.”

“Ye can’t promise that.”

“I can,” you insisted. “I _am._ Rowena, I know there aren’t many things I can do right, but this isn’t one of them. I _can_ do right by you. I can care for you. I can _love_ you. You just have to let me.”

Your eyes watered at the expression of pure and utter devastation on her face. It was as if she’d lost all hope, as if she’d made peace with the fact that no one could or should ever love her. How could someone do that to themselves without breaking apart? What had she had to go through in her long life to even think it was a good idea to do something like that?

The thing with Oscar was just the final blow; the blows before that had to have been devastating.

“I can’t,” she echoed her own words, her voice breaking after each letter. “I’m sorry.”

This prompted tears to spill down your face. Rowena _never_ said sorry. No matter what she did, how many people she hurt, and how much damage she caused, she never said sorry. It was genuine emotion you were facing, raw and unpredictable, too much for her to handle for for centuries she’d only had to deal with pride.

“You’re scared.”

Your heart shattered into thousands of pieces at the realization. Rowena didn’t _do_ fear. You were used to her being headstrong and brave and powerful in so many ways, but scared? This was new territory for you just as it was for her and you had to tread lightly. The last thing you wanted was to cause her more pain.

“I am,” she admitted. Then her lips tightened into a firm line, and her meek voice rose to almost a shout as she added: “Go on! Laugh!”

Instead you took a cautious step towards her and took her hands into your own. She flinched at your touch, startled, but was quick to relax as your fingers gently laced with hers.

“Never,” you told her. “Rowena, I understand how difficult this is for you. But rest assured, I would never do anything to hurt you. When you love someone, the only thing you want is for them to be happy. And I want that for you.”

“I can’t be what ye want me to be,” she told you.

“The only thing I want is for you to be honest with me. Nothing more.”

“And what if I _was_ honest?” she asked. “What if I told ye what ye wanted to hear and ye got hurt?”

“It’s my life,” you replied. “My choice. Whatever happens to me isn’t on you.”

She nodded in understanding, still not quite convinced of your words. “What if I’m not what ye’re expectin’?”

You gave her a loving look, bringing a hand to her cheek to caress it. “You’re everything I could ever wish for. Nothing you could ever do would change my mind.”

She leaned into your palm, relaxing into your soothing touch. “I’m dangerous, Y/N.”

“It’s a good thing that I happen to like a little danger, then,” you said, the corners of your lips curling into a smile.

“Ye don’t know what ye’re gettin’ into,” she said.

“I know perfectly well what I’m getting into,” you countered.

She let out a small, teasing smile. “Thought of everythin’, haven’t ye?”

“What can I say? You’re quite a challenge.”

“That I am,” she agreed.

“So will you say it, then? Will you come clean? Rowena, I wasn’t lying when I said I don’t expect a relationship or anything like that. I swear. Nothing has to come of this. I just want to hear you say it.”

She gave you a look she’d never given you before, one you couldn’t read despite your best efforts. For a long moment she just stared, her teary eyes gazing into yours as if trying to break into your mind in search of your dirtiest, most sacred secrets.

Then, taking a breath for courage, she softly said: “Y/N, I… I love ye.”

All your tears vanished as soon as you heard her utter those words. Your smile widened as your heart raced as if it would explode, beating wildly against your chest. Your thoughts swirled, a hurricane of words and pictures you’d summoned in your wildest daydreams storming through your mind one after another.

She finally said it! She finally, after months of you desperately wishing for your dreams to become reality, said those fateful words.

Rowena, on the other hand, stood still, motionless, not daring to look away. You felt her hand tremble in yours and tightened your grip on it in support.

“And I love you, as you already know” you told her with a small chuckle. “Thank you. I can’t even begin to describe how good it feels to finally hear you say it. You just made me really happy, you know that?”

“Y/N–”

“You don’t have to say anything,” you cut her off, wiping a new batch of tears that fell down your cheeks. “I already told you I don’t expect a relationship. You don’t have to justify yourself.”

“Y/N–” she tried, only for you to interrupt her again.

“I understand.”

“Let me finish, will ye?” she exclaimed, starling you. She took a calming breath before continuing: “Y/N, I can’t promise ye things will be easy and that ye won’t get hurt. As ye said, ye’re aware of how dangerous it is to be around me. For some reason that doesn’t bother ye, which leads me to conclude I’ve made the right choice when I accepted to tutor ye.”

“Crazy loves crazy,” you joked.

“Correct,” she said. “For months I’ve tried to ignore these feelings, thinkin’ they’d go away, but they never did. It may not seem that way, but I’m grateful ye confronted me because I’d have never been able to come clean on my own.”

She cupped your cheek like you did hers, giving you a bright smile.

“Ye’re a wonderful girl. I’m happy to have met ye. Even happier now that the truth has come out.”

“What are you trying to say?”

Was this going where you hoped it was going? Your heart jumped at the thought.

“If I was to propose a relationship, would ye be up for it?”

You swallowed, trying your hardest to maintain your composure while your insides raged like a wild rave. “That depends. _Are_ you proposing a relationship?”

“I am.”

“Then my answer is yes!”

Without giving her time to contemplate what you said, you pulled her to you and crashed your lips into hers. She responded instantly, her mouth moving against yours in swift, hungry motions. The kiss was everything you imagined it to be; sweet, passionate, a perfect mixture of wild and gentle that made your head spin as pure delight washed over you, setting your insides on fire.

“I waited so long to do that,” you told her as you parted, gasping for breath.

“Me, too,” she breathed.

“Up for another round?”

She shot you an incredulous look. “Do ye even have to ask?”

**Author's Note:**

> Editor: [BewitchedSquirrel](http://archiveofourown.org/users/BewitchedSquirrel/)


End file.
